I am becoming more convinced that there are two kinds of "hunger" I am experiencing. Or three. OK, stick with me. When I eat cooked foods, especially traditional "Standard American Diet (SAD)" cooked foods, I have determined I am getting a lot of calories and supposed macronutrients (carbohydrates, protiens, fats) in some quantity. But I am not getting a lot of micronutrients, and everyone knows this, because cooking destroys most of those micronutrients. (I'm not talking about the magical "enzymes" that raw food diet advocates talk about. I haven't made my mind up about the existence of those, yet.)

It's generally known and accepted that most cooking methods reduce most micronutrients in most foods. This is why we have the Food Pyramid people saying to eat large quantities of the most nutritious foods (fruits and vegetables) every day.

I think that it's because of this dearth of nutrients in normal portions of cooked foods that people who try to diet by eating smaller quantities of what they normally eat feel hungry and struggle with cravings. And it's behind the response I've gotten when doing some fast or cleanse; people will say OH MY GOD I COULD NEVER DO THAT because they associate reduced amounts of food with feeling super hungry.

OK, I know I'm saying obvious things. But I'm finding out for myself that eating SAD was causing me to overeat to extremes because....dunh duNH DUNH: I was starved for nutrients!! I was eating more than enough calories to meet my body's requirement in that area, so why was I still hungry? Why was I compelled to overeat?

I believe it's because I was malnourished. And that is totally my own fault, not the fault of cooked food. I didn't make good choices to maximize what nutrition there is in cooked food, and I ate a lot of junk that was completely void of nutrition and high in toxins and calories, like dairy and other animal products, especially chemically processed flesh. And white flour. Mmmm, the bacon cheeseburger! Anyway, trying to eat unprocessed uncooked foods has been very interesting, because I find myself with crazy cravings for stuff I wasn't even eating when I was eating more cooked food! And why? Because....dunh duNH DUNH: I'm not eating enough calories! When I'm eating raw fruits and veg exclusively, with some nuts and seeds occasionally, it's evidently hard to meet my body's calorie needs. Mostly because I don't feel hungry -- hardly hungry at all, and especially not hungry in the way I'm used to feeling. I'm not attuned enough yet to know when I'm truly hungry eating this kind of diet. So my body, simply needing more calories to have enough to live and move and digest and meet its processing needs, sends signals that my brain translates into cravings for FRIED CHICKEN which is CALORIE HEAVEN. My body doesn't need nutrients at that point, it just wants raw energy. I wish it would learn to crave fresh fruit, and maybe it will once I've been doing this for longer and doing it better.

It's just interesting to me to sense this truth for myself over time and without self-judgment. My body needs BOTH calories AND nutrients. Oddly, the perfect food for that is fruit, with the sugars. But fruit can't supply all my nutrient needs, especially macronutrients like protein and fats. Nuts are good for those things, but I find nuts difficult to digest in large quantities. So I've yet to find the optimal mix (though a green smoothie with hemp seeds is pretty good) to keep me from feeling cravings that are related to calories.

And it's really interesting to eat a heavy cooked meal (like the pizza we had last night) and wake up STARVING and realize that my body is craving nutrients!! Before I knew that, I would have just eaten another big cooked meal because, why not? That's what you do when you're hungry, right? And that would have been plenty of almost nutritionally void calories for my body to store as fat, since I didn't really need them. Instead, this morning we went to the park with Merlin. On the way back we stopped at the asian market for some young coconuts and then B made delicious green smoothies and the hunger was gone immediately. Thanks, body!

OH, the third hunger? That's when I'm stressed or cranky or otherwise emotionally off-balance. That's not hunger at all, and I've decided that if I crave something in that state, I have to eat a green smoothie. Then, if I still want whatever it is I'm craving, at least I've done something kind for myself first. It's the most gentle way I can figure to allow for that, and I'm trying to learn to be both kind and gentle with myself about food so I can break some really bad habits and connections. (See above in re: pizza! From Pizza Hut!!)

Really Green Salad With Avocado Lemon Dressing Recipe | Recipezaar

Dressing

* 1 lemon, juice of (about 1/3-1/2 cup)
* 1/3 cup olive oil
* 1 tablespoon honey (to taste)
* 1/2 avocado, mashed
* salt (optional)

Well, the results are in for my first 10 Day Mini-Challenge.

I ate about 75% raw. I ate 1 cooked meal 5 days out of 10.
Tuesday: Chinese buffet
Wednesday: hummus I made from organic canned chickpeas. We ate it with raw veggies
Thursday: salad and homemade pizza at my moms. I ate one small piece of pizza
Friday: movie popcorn and other snacky stuff (no candy, bread, meat, or cheese)
Saturday: Dinner with parents at OUTBACK!? I had a bleu cheese chopped salad with 5 grilled shrimp and two tiny pieces of pumpernickel bread and maybe 3 or 4 pieces of "bloomin" onion
Sunday: kalamata hummus with pita chips and other crunchy snacks.

I also had green smoothies every day and raw fruits & veg.

Well, when I write it like that it doesn't seem so bad. I just feel like 75% is "C" and that might as well be a giant "F" if you ask me. But B is getting mad at me for approaching it like that, and he's right. Each bump in itself did not send me spiraling down the path of "forget it" but the 75% grade does. And why am I grading myself?

There's a lot of psychology to look at in this situation, but I know that deep down, I don't trust that eating raw will give me the health and energy I want. I don't believe that it will work for someone like me. And that's the psycho problem.

Today is my day off. I haven't decided what to do yet. I kind of want to take the dog to a dog park....OK! That's one thing I'll do! I also want to play some Fable. OK, thing 2! And I want to find my crochet hook and practice some rounds since I FORGOT how to crochet in the round -- which is RIDICULOUS since I have made many circular things including tons of hats. I don't know what happened.

Off to find a dog park in burque.

I'm clearly not drinking enough water to flush out any toxins that might be released (I *know* this -- don't ask how) and it's likely I'm not eating enough calories.

Watching Bunny's video from when she was between challenges really made sense to me. I'm only feeling barely "hungry" like twice daily! And yesterday when I did feel peckish I ate too many pine nuts with oil and balsamic vinegar (not raw!) and made myself feel sick. Then, because of that sick heavy feeling, B made me another smoothie (we always have a green one for breakfast) of just fruit. Then, around 10pm, I ate some strawberries! No wonder my body is holding on to EVERYTHING. It's getting no fuel!

I was reading a really good raw blog last night and some posts were food diaries. The blogger is eating 811 and she ate SO MUCH FRUIT every day! Like 8 small mangos or 8 bananas at a time?!? I usually eat 1 banana and feel like "ah."

But I want to add some physical activities to my day, it's part of my 10 day mini challenge goals. So, I have to eat more. The other day I found out that eating large meals is right out for me. So, I have to eat smaller more frequent meals, which is what I was doing before we started this crazy raw stuff! So, the benefit of not feeling hungry much (not having to think about food or constantly plan or clean up) is moot because I have to eat ALL THE TIME.

WHATEVER.