All caps signifies how amazed I am.
My goal is tiny. I don't mean to belittle it, but come on, it is. BUT -- It's a step! It's a start! It's 10 more minutes on the bike than I did yesterday, which was NONE. And my real goal is to have a normal healthy active life that includes exercise as a matter of course; to exercise just because it feels good to use my muscles and get my heart rate up. And that has to start somewhere and build slowly.
So, I missed an opportunity yesterday to do my 10 minutes. But today, day 2, I DID IT. And I will do it for the next 8 days. And at the end, I will have done 90 minutes on that bike. AND have walked outside in the fresh air for at least 50 minutes. I haven't done that one yet (walk for 10 minutes outside) but I feel that tomorrow's my day.
In other news, we went out to eat with my parents tonight. If I were English, I'd say I'M CHUFFED. I ate a delicious plate of red cabbage with cucumber slices and chopped celery, a little olive oil and a lot of lemon juice and some sunflower seeds (roasted/salted, I think). I did not feel deprived, I did not feel "bad" that I "couldn't" eat X, Y, or Z, because I COULD. But I DIDN'T WANT TO. I wanted to stay high raw and go to bed without feeling gross and heavy and stomachachy. AND I DID IT. And that feels good. For so long I felt out of control about how I ate. I felt under the control of the food. But that feeling of passivity is slowly lifting. I am in charge of how I nourish myself. Only me. And tonight I chose to eat raw. And I wasn't miserable. Amazing.
For me, there has to be freedom. I am a free rational adult. I am striving for intellectual honesty. I can eat crap that is anti-nourishing, if I choose, but I am not lying about it to myself anymore. Now I know. Now I know what it is to feed myself. Amazing.
The zealotry of the newly converted can be annoying, I know. I have both been annoyed, and been annoying. But I'm not trying to convert anyone. I am just trying to express what, for me, appears to be the tiny tip of a miracle iceberg. The idea that I may not have to be imprisoned in this body forever, that I may not be enslaved by potato chips, that I may be able to run and to sleep soundly and to feel healthy all the time...that idea is outlandish. Too good to be true. Yet it is. Amazing.
My goal is tiny. I don't mean to belittle it, but come on, it is. BUT -- It's a step! It's a start! It's 10 more minutes on the bike than I did yesterday, which was NONE. And my real goal is to have a normal healthy active life that includes exercise as a matter of course; to exercise just because it feels good to use my muscles and get my heart rate up. And that has to start somewhere and build slowly.
So, I missed an opportunity yesterday to do my 10 minutes. But today, day 2, I DID IT. And I will do it for the next 8 days. And at the end, I will have done 90 minutes on that bike. AND have walked outside in the fresh air for at least 50 minutes. I haven't done that one yet (walk for 10 minutes outside) but I feel that tomorrow's my day.
In other news, we went out to eat with my parents tonight. If I were English, I'd say I'M CHUFFED. I ate a delicious plate of red cabbage with cucumber slices and chopped celery, a little olive oil and a lot of lemon juice and some sunflower seeds (roasted/salted, I think). I did not feel deprived, I did not feel "bad" that I "couldn't" eat X, Y, or Z, because I COULD. But I DIDN'T WANT TO. I wanted to stay high raw and go to bed without feeling gross and heavy and stomachachy. AND I DID IT. And that feels good. For so long I felt out of control about how I ate. I felt under the control of the food. But that feeling of passivity is slowly lifting. I am in charge of how I nourish myself. Only me. And tonight I chose to eat raw. And I wasn't miserable. Amazing.
For me, there has to be freedom. I am a free rational adult. I am striving for intellectual honesty. I can eat crap that is anti-nourishing, if I choose, but I am not lying about it to myself anymore. Now I know. Now I know what it is to feed myself. Amazing.
The zealotry of the newly converted can be annoying, I know. I have both been annoyed, and been annoying. But I'm not trying to convert anyone. I am just trying to express what, for me, appears to be the tiny tip of a miracle iceberg. The idea that I may not have to be imprisoned in this body forever, that I may not be enslaved by potato chips, that I may be able to run and to sleep soundly and to feel healthy all the time...that idea is outlandish. Too good to be true. Yet it is. Amazing.
Leave a comment