So, half of the first 10 day mini-challenge is over! And before I get to the not-so-great, let me say I have been riding my bike for the 10 minutes faithfully.
OK.
Today, we went and ate at the Chinese buffet. There's no way to explain this except that for me, I really need to believe that there is freedom. That I will not hate or punish myself for my choices. And I had an epiphany today. Food is fuel. And I know that food is fuel. So, if I choose to eat for entertainment, I am not lying to myself that I am doing my body any good. Mostly I was afraid that one bit of tasty cooked food crossing my lips would start an avalanche that would end with me passed out with chip bags and snack cake wrappers strewn around me as the pets licked crumbs off my slack face.
But that's not happening. I ate some Chinese food; it's taking a long time to digest so I'm not taxing my body by eating more food tonight. I've been fasting since lunch and will do so until I have my green smoothie tomorrow.
And I'm ok! I'm not a failure, or a loser, and I didn't die. I ate something that wasn't great for me, but on the whole I eat an extraordinarily healthful diet chock full of all the things the doctors and nutritionists want us to eat. And I've NEVER done that before IN MY LIFE.
What I want is to heal my relationship with food. I want it to be fuel and nothing more. It is not solace, safety, comfort, security, love. It is fuel, and occasionally, entertainment. And that's how normal people eat, I believe. So if eating a predominantly raw vegan diet gets me to understand that as reality, then it will have done its job.
Also, the food I eat does not constitute my lifestyle. I have decided this. I don't want to trade one weird obsession for another. My life and living constitute my lifestyle. Food is the fuel that allows me to live the lifestyle I want rather than the lifestyle I hated. And that's it.
So, that's my day 5. I'm know this ride is barely getting started, the car is just barely inching up the first incline...I can hear the chunk chunk chunk of the old chain pulling it up the rails, but I'm not even afraid of the first drop, let alone the loop! How is it that I'm so strong in my convictions?! Why am I so good at embracing these changes and being so successful? Why do I have such awesome fortune that I get to heal myself of this lifelong struggle!?
OK.
Today, we went and ate at the Chinese buffet. There's no way to explain this except that for me, I really need to believe that there is freedom. That I will not hate or punish myself for my choices. And I had an epiphany today. Food is fuel. And I know that food is fuel. So, if I choose to eat for entertainment, I am not lying to myself that I am doing my body any good. Mostly I was afraid that one bit of tasty cooked food crossing my lips would start an avalanche that would end with me passed out with chip bags and snack cake wrappers strewn around me as the pets licked crumbs off my slack face.
But that's not happening. I ate some Chinese food; it's taking a long time to digest so I'm not taxing my body by eating more food tonight. I've been fasting since lunch and will do so until I have my green smoothie tomorrow.
And I'm ok! I'm not a failure, or a loser, and I didn't die. I ate something that wasn't great for me, but on the whole I eat an extraordinarily healthful diet chock full of all the things the doctors and nutritionists want us to eat. And I've NEVER done that before IN MY LIFE.
What I want is to heal my relationship with food. I want it to be fuel and nothing more. It is not solace, safety, comfort, security, love. It is fuel, and occasionally, entertainment. And that's how normal people eat, I believe. So if eating a predominantly raw vegan diet gets me to understand that as reality, then it will have done its job.
Also, the food I eat does not constitute my lifestyle. I have decided this. I don't want to trade one weird obsession for another. My life and living constitute my lifestyle. Food is the fuel that allows me to live the lifestyle I want rather than the lifestyle I hated. And that's it.
So, that's my day 5. I'm know this ride is barely getting started, the car is just barely inching up the first incline...I can hear the chunk chunk chunk of the old chain pulling it up the rails, but I'm not even afraid of the first drop, let alone the loop! How is it that I'm so strong in my convictions?! Why am I so good at embracing these changes and being so successful? Why do I have such awesome fortune that I get to heal myself of this lifelong struggle!?
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