OK, the first day is done. I know I can do this job and the people (all women) are perfectly nice and relatively normal, as you get in any academic/hospital office -- especially if they're all women.

The job involves kind of managing the process for substitute doctors who have been credentialed through the university to be placed at sites all around the state. In addition to being "credentialed" through UNM, they have to be credentialed or "privileged" at each individual clinic or hospital (or hospital "system"). That means that although a university may say "yes, this doctor is who she says she is and she did attend these institutions and does have this job experience" (all verified as part of the credentialing process), the hospital or clinic has their own application process to be allowed to work specifically for them.

All this stuff takes a long time! So whether on-call specialists, or newly minted doctors in their 3+ year of residency, or someone who has just graduated from residency, they all want to work, to be substitute doctors if they don't have a regular appointment. Plus they make pretty good money. And the lengthy process can cause frustration, to say the least, among a group of people not known for their humility!

That's who I get to wrangle and assist. I'm actually looking forward to doing this job, I know I can do it, and well.

I'm off to start my new job in about 20 minutes. I was thinking the other day about the following revelation I had: ( not really a revelation at all to normal people, but definitely one to me) people respond well to those who are genuinely nice and kind.

OK, obv, I know. But I am not genuinely kind to people.  I have the kind of distrust and shyness rooted in deep insecurity. I never let people in or act openly around them. But the other day I was at Costco getting my membership card. I felt a genuine kind and warm feeling toward the cashier. Not for any reason, just because I felt it. And I acted friendly and nice accordingly. And I could tell the difference in how she helped me vs how I project the interaction would have gone if I was my normal "act kind but feel nothing about this person" self. 

See that's how I normally am...nice enough, no one could fault me, but with no true kind feeling behind it, people can sense that! So of course she would have been nice and helped me, because that's her job. But that wasn't the interaction we had! We had a real one, two real people! It was weird! 

All this is to say that a new job is a new opportunity for being the kind of person who is real and kind and open with people. I have nothing to protect or fear from these new people, not at this stage. I don't want to be the kind of person who prompts strangers to feel sorry for her husband...and I have been that person before. 

So, time for a fresh start of genuine affection for people and an openness of spirit that people respond well to. Because we all do! I do! I want to be the kind of person I like! The end.