Post Weekend News
10.27.08
Ha ha, I have no news. This weekend I met my goal of crocheting an item directly from a pattern. I made a dishcloth.
Status report:
listening to: Wig in a Box: Songs from & Inspired by Hedwig and the Angry Inch.
working on: entering one kajillion names and email addresses to a new work address book group. There has to be a better/technologically easier way to do this. I feel like a donkey.
eating: planning on veggie soup B made this weekend for lunch. Also fruit.
grieving: Tony Hillerman
planning: to make phone calls to voters in my area using the "contact voters" tool on the Barack Obama website. Scary!
thinking about: nanowrimo
Also, we watched Mongol and The Namesake this weekend.
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I still like Wilco
10.24.08
Husband-type gently encouraged me to update.
But when I feel like I have something that takes more than 140 characters to say, I lie down until the feeling passes!
Plus, all I've got on the brain is POLITICS POLITICS 24x7.
Honestly, there's not much else to say. I'm outraged by the outrageous, encouraged by the encouraging, worried by the worrisome, uplifted by the uplifting, depressed by the depressing.
We might go see Obama tomorrow on campus (UNM). But that is sure to be an all-day event for a 7pm rally, and I don't know that I want to spend my best day off (Saturday) waiting in the intense sun/odd cold of a NM October day to see him. I mean, I'm sure it would be worth it, and I would have no reluctance if I hadn't yet seen him, but we did that already this season. So, I'm torn.
In food news: I was complaining about how I eat the other day, and my officemate said, "you eat really healthy!" And I realized that objectively, I eat REALLY healthy! I feel like I have disordered eating or a messed up psyche or something, because I keep believing I don't eat healthy, when the truth is, I do. I feel like I have Stockholm Syndrome. I know it's hard to understand how that is connected, but what I'm trying to say is that I'm like voluntarily imprisoning myself with my beliefs! Like I need deprogramming! And in a way, that's probably true. I've been trapped in the cult of self-loathing for so long, I don't know how to accept myself as valid and valuable at any size, how to believe that I care for myself and know how to feed and nurture myself.
The cult of self-hatred that women are trapped in, especially fat women, is so deeply rooted and controlling that I know there are women that I KNOW, who are my friends, even, who would rather be DEAD than look like me. And that is so sad, and I wonder how much of that is even still inside me.
Wow, I didn't know any of that was going to come out, especially since I only planned for a brief post. I guess more on that later!
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One month later
10.17.08
Well, it was shocking to go to my olde blogge and find that my last entry was a MONTH ago! I blame twitter. Seriously. Lately there have been things/ideas I could possibly feel like blogging about, but if it would take more than 140 characters to express it, then FORGET IT.
For sure I can say that I am one of those I predicted who would not complete the 100 day raw food challenge. We got derailed in August and never quite got back on track. I know for sure I got derailed, I don't know if I caused B to stumble as well, I can't speak for him. But as I sit here and think about it, I feel okay about it. I'm still eating more healthily and taking better care of myself than I have for most of my life. One of my downfalls is really enjoying eating for entertainment. And I know I said I didn't want to do that anymore, that I want food to be fuel, but I don't know about that. I mean, I don't know if I want to give up eating for entertainment. Sharing the experience of the art of food is something that B and I enjoy doing together. It makes life feel kind of drab if we cut ourselves off from that. I think realistically I need to acknowledge this and structure/discipline myself accordingly.
My back started hurting before I started this job, and it hasn't quit. My health insurance coverage starts 11/1, so I just have to keep living on ibuprofen for a couple more weeks until I can get this checked out. It's definitely made it hard to want to be here at this job, sitting for 8+ hrs/day. And not really concentrating on it. It was a temp job until last week, when I was hired permanently. While I was a temp, I can honestly say I was only making a "temp" level effort. But now that I'm permanent, I really need to give it some more, and being in constant pain (sometimes low-level, sometimes more) doesn't make that easy. And I'm starting to feel guilty about it.
OK, I can't make any promises, but now that I have access to update this blog here at work, I'm hoping to write more frequently. The end.
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