December 2008 Archives

So, no photoblogging, no regular blogging. I am sick with a cold that I believe came through my husband and attacked me, but he thinks we both got it at the same time from my mom, and he weakened his immune system with exposure to a bunch of dust and that's why he is a few days ahead of me in the progression.

In addition, I really need to see a specialist about my back, it is worsening very rapidly. AND it's Christmas week, so good luck with that!

I will try to update more later, but I can't sit and type.

Gel Pack


Originally uploaded by misshannahbee

I'm not a picture hanger (but am becoming a picture taker, which is the very loose, nay, forced connection in this entry!).



I now have some things framed, but they're still put away in the closet after almost a year! I'm over at my parents' right now, and I realized this not caring about having stuff on the walls must come from my mom.



See, my mom found a gorgeous oil painting at the thrift store. She paid about 30x what she spent on it to have it professionally framed. Then she hung it in a place where only she can see it, and only when she's lying in bed in a particular position. Because why? Because it's not displaying it for anyone else that is gratifying to her. It's looking at it. So I have my framed items, and I keep the so I can see them when I want to, but I don't care if anyone else ever sees them or what they think of them. I don't know if that's healthy or not!

The Old 97's


Originally uploaded by misshannahbee

I don't know if I can wash that hat, but it sure looks gross! Didn't look that dusty when we left at 6:40 this a.m.



We had tentative plans to go see this band in Austin two days after Christmas, but we have deferred that gratification in favor of saving to take a larger/realer vacation some time next year.



This is all I have today, my back is so fucking killing me that I can barely sit still for more than 5 min at a time at work, but I really don't want to go home. I mean, I really DO want to go home, but I really am not going to, until 5pm.

Red scarf


Originally uploaded by misshannahbee

This scarf is red eyelash and red acrylic crocheted together in tr with a K hook. I put a hole in it for tucking, and it's shorter + wider than my normal long skinny scarf. I wanted something VERY bright and warm, and I think that's what I got.

Well, I already missed blogging one day: Sunday 12/14. I guess the not so unexpected reality is that I don't touch the computer on the weekends. I use my phone for twitter; I emailed some photos to Flickr, and blogged one from my phone, but I didn't use my desktop.

I'm not giving myself a pass, it just means I have to focus on doing at least that one thing, blogging about my daily photo, on Saturday and Sunday.

When I'm crocheting at home I like to watch tv. But I don't want to watch any of the shows B & I like to watch together, because then he will miss something. So, I'm often on the hunt for shows that I will like and he won't, or that he's already seen. Last up was Dawson's Creek, and Eureka. Now: The Riches. It's good, which I expected, but not exactly fluffy like the previous two of "my shows."

It's the last full week before Christmas. Our neighbors decorated their trailer with lights and stuff this past weekend, which is the appropriate weekend to do that sort of thing. When I was growing up, we always went to the mountains to cut our Christmas tree on the weekend closest to my birthday, which is exactly two weeks before Christmas Day. Sure enough, when we went to my parents' last night, their tree was up and decorated. That was my flickr Year41 photo. I think my mom decorated it herself, with a cold, which is kind of sad to me, but I guess that's what you do when you're the mom.

We watched the finale of Survivor last night, and the appropriate person won, by which I mean: the person I wanted to win. The other person I wanted to win did not, but I'm hoping that person will use the opportunity of being on Survivor to launch a career that will make more than $1m.

OK, time to have green smoothie and black coffee.

We call her Ladyhead


Originally uploaded by misshannahbee

I have a waking up window and a going to sleep window. If I miss either, I'm all messed up!



Also, I just took this photo of Ladyhead, uploaded it to Flickr, blogged it, and wrote this teeny entry: ALL FROM MY BATHROOM waiting for my shower to heat up. What a crazytime it is living in the future!!

Reece and Mair


Originally uploaded by misshannahbee

This is a test entry to see if I can post this to my blog, and how it will look.

I turned 40 yesterday. My goal is to stretch myself this year, in various ways.

1. Post to this blog once a day, every day: If I can post even ONCE to twitter, I can post once to this blog, even if just to repeat those tweets.

2. Take one photo per day: I really admire those people who do those "year in photos" projects. Documents of the lives of ordinary persons is what the future will want....I mean, it's what we want of the past, right? So, I want to do it, too. And there's no reason I can't! I have a digital camera with me at ALL times on my phone. But it's the uploading/posting that is a pain, and that's where I'll stretch.

3.Practice the things I'm not currently good at: This is a difficult one for me. If I'm not instantly good at something, or catching on very quickly, I abandon it. I'm going to try not to do that anymore. I'm going to practice knitting and designing crocheted items and learn to sew and actually sew some stuff.

4. Be positive: Even though I like to think of myself as a dry cynic, I know I am tender at heart and need to treat myself and others with kindness. Even though I often snark and reject positivity as uncool, I know that I feel better when I am positive. Even though I am often embarrassed by the earnest sincerity of people who speak in affirmations and positive aphorisms, I am striving to become one of those people. I have this book, Everyday Positive Thinking, and I'm going to read at least one page every day, and maybe even write it down here, or in a paper journal.

I'm hoping these efforts will produce lasting results. I hope I can grow as a person and develop more fully into my unique skills. I want to run on full capacity in my creativity, empathy, productivity, self-acceptance, and general engagement with the world. Now is the time.

Here's my positive thought for the day, from Louise Hay: Release the need to blame anyone, including yourself. We're all doing the best we can with the understanding, knowledge, and awareness we have.

Is Medicare cost-effective? (This is an opinion column, and not a cite in the strictest sense. He does, however, reference at least one study [but provides no notes!] in his text.)

The economist referenced in the cite, Marilyn Moon, appears to be the foremost expert on Medicare, esp vis-a-vis the elderly and the growing need for coverage as that age group increases.

There's tons of discussion on the web about whether Medicare is "government-run," whether Medicare For All would be feasible, and the possibility of using existing programs like Medicare as models for a future program that would cover all citizens.

If I had infinite brain space and three lifetimes, there's lots of stuff I'd like to become expert in. Understanding these issues is one, but it probably won't happen in this lifetime! But it's important for me to try to think critically about it, and not take one side or the other as the gospel. I mean, there are points to be made (and opinions with which I agree) that can be described as conservative or even Republican. It's a complex issue, like most of them going today. Good thing we have a new president who can obviously think critically and take care to gather information from all sides and take counsel and make his rational decisions based on what I hope is his desire to serve and protect all citizens. Seriously, we need it now more than ever.

If I was a girl of faith (which I am) I would say that God has heard our prayers.

What I Do.

Well. I wanted to write a response to the request "send an email about what you do." But I wanted it to be witty and comprehensive and biographical and open and informative and impressive; above all things, it -- what I write -- should be impressive.

But then I sit down and try to think about: where to start? And: how open? And: how comprehensive? And: can I even do witty? One of the things that is always mysterious and confounding is walking in on my husband...thinking. Creative writerly types spend a lot of time thinking. And lately I've been trying to get more in touch with my creative side, so I now recognize the truth of the necessity of that. I need to make space and time in my existence to sit and think. Think of ideas and plans and imagine stuff and visualize perfect hats and scarves and crocheted flowers dancing through that space.

And I need to write more. And I need to watch less tv. Oh, and, read more.

So, here is the story of some of the things I've done, and what I do now.

When I graduated from high school, I got a job as a long distance operator for AT&T. I was so proud of that job, because I had to take a test to get it! A long test, a real test! I can't recall, now, what kinds of questions comprised the test, though. For all I know it was some psych battery. But, hey, at least I passed. I was an operator at the tail end of human operators. Remember those? I didn't have the kind of board where you plug into "trunk" lines, but we turned in punch cards to make certain fixes or requests of the computer. BASIC punch cards! AT&T hired people from my class in January, as temps. We were temps, so no benefits, but the company was a closed shop of the CWA, so we had to pay union dues. I believe they came out of our pay? We worked 11+ months, and then AT&T laid all the temps off at Christmas. They did this every year, it allowed them to get around some terms in the labor contract.

I assisted customers making person-to-person calls, collect calls, and, because I spoke some Spanish, I sometimes took easy Spanish calls. During my time at this job, I started college at UNM. I took a Spanish 101 class, it was one of my first college courses. The instructor was a Mexican grad student. In my memory, he's so much older than me, but now I realize he was probably in his early 20s. Ha. So, one day I'm at work, and in comes a call to Mexico. Calls to Mexico were unique. Callers were often calling small pueblos or villages with one phone for the whole community. The operator would call that phone and inform the answerer that so-and-so would be calling. Something like that. Anyway, it was my professor, on the phone. I recognized his voice. The thing is, I had stopped going to his class after the first test. The class was too basic for me. But I was a college novice, and I didn't really get it that I needed to drop the class. He asked me why I had never come back, told me that I had aced the first test. I can't remember what excuse I gave him. I placed his call. At the end of the semester, I got an A in the class. I think he was a college novice too.

That job was where I fell for a gay man for the first time. We became best buds. I didn't know he was gay, until I did know it. But he never said anything, and I wonder if he thought I knew, or that I didn't know. I was super clueless. I mean, I met his partner! I was in their house with the magazine photos of Tom Selleck and naked man torsos all over the fridge and bulletin board. We just never talked about it. He and his family were from El Paso/Juarez. I think they were horse ranchers "al otro lado" and had some money. So my friend and his brother, who was a guy from my test class, opened a juice bar here in town. Right near where I live now, actually. I worked there with them (for free) while they were getting it going. They were making licuados: blended fruit drinks. We also made sandwiches. Those guys were ahead of their time, for sure. But it didn't make it, back then. Maybe if it had been in LA. If pressed, I honestly can't recall what happened to that guy or our friendship. I think we just kind of drifted apart after I wasn't working there.

When I lived in Denver, I had moved back in with my parents. I didn't have to work, my parents aren't the kind to make their kids pay rent, though I think that's a mistake, even today (I'm looking at you, 31yo brother!). So I could kind of do whatever work I wanted, and I wanted to work in a bookstore. I really wanted to work in THE bookstore, the Tattered Cover. And I had bookstore experience in a relatively large indie bookstore here in Albuquerque! But I didn't get an interview. So, I called ISIS Metaphysical Books. The owner seemed kind of interested, asked me for my full name and birthdate. The owner, a retired lingerie salesman from NYC, didn't really seem to be that into the metaphysical. But his wife was, and he gave her my info to run my numerology chart. After that, I had the job. I worked the counter and shelved books and did all the stuff you can do in a small bookstore, and then after awhile I was doing a lot of the computer ordering--not really buying, he selected what to order, I ordered it. He was a gruff old bastard. I remember Christmas the first year I worked there, he gave us envelopes full of cash. It was a Christmas bonus, the first I'd ever gotten. It was like something out of a movie. This was maybe 94? 95? Too bad his wife's numerology chart couldn't predict how much merch I'd "borrow" and then didn't get the chance to return after I quit. I quit because I got a second job at a health food grocery store, and was promptly promoted to manager of a department, and then told that I, as a manager, couldn't have a second job, so I would have to choose. That grocery store job ended badly, by the way, with me screaming to be allowed to see my personnel file before it could be scrubbed of the positive reviews I'd received (so the manager could justify firing me) and her threatening to call the police if I didn't leave.

Today I work in a University of New Mexico office, in a locum tenens office. Locum tenens is Latin for place-holder. It's normally used to refer to substitute doctors. NM is a very poor state, with lots of space and not a lot of people. There are rural clinics all over the state that struggle to meet the needs of their little communities. And like in urban/inner-city schools, not a lot of professionals are scrambling to take permanent jobs in Pie Town NM. So, our program gets some state dollars to hire and pay doctors to go work in rural clinics and hospitals. We hire upper level residents, as well as docs who just want to make some extra scratch, or who feel moved to help serve underserved communities. What I do in specific is a lot of the stuff around the credentialing and hiring of the providers, and, once they're hired, help them get credentialed to work at different sites. In order for a doc to be hired by our program, she must have her shit verified. Her education, medical education, medical training, work history, references, licensure, claims history/malpractice, blah blah blah. She must go through a rigorous process in order to be "credentialed" at UNM. That doesn't mean she's allowed to practice medicine at UNM, it just means she is who she says she is, and has the education and experience she says she has. That's step 1. Then she jumps through some hoops to get hired. Sign this form, sign that form, sign your offer letter, fill out your I-9 and bring your Social Security card and your Drivers License. That's step 2. THEN, she decides she wants to provide coverage for a site who has contracted with us for Locums providers. Let's call the site Smespañola. Well, it's all fine and good that we've checked the doc out to make sure she's legit, but Smespañola has their own board and their own bylaws, so they have to do the same credentialing for any provider who is going to work there. PLUS, we haven't allowed Dr X to actually practice medicine at *our* hospital...in order to do that, a doc must be what's called "privileged." That means that the medical education, training, and medical-related work history demonstrate that he or she can perform certain procedures. That way, you, patient, don't get someone trying to do oral surgery on your mouth who's fresh out of dental school and has no experience as a surgeon. Each medical facility gets to say, "Dr X can do this, and this, and this, but not that." That's privileging. So Smespañola requests documents for credentialing, and provides privileging forms for Dr X to sign, and then, at the end of the final hoop of step 3, Dr X can work at Smespañola! Yay! After that, the doc will deal with other people in my office: scheduling, travel reimbursement, payroll, etc. I only see her again if she needs some of those credentialing documents, if/when I need updated licensure information, and when she wants to be credentialed/privileged somewhere else.

There, now you can do my job.

I also love rain, back rubs, and walks on the beach.

Just kidding, I hate walks on the beach.