5 minutes
So! Final determination? I need to feed my mind, and to focus, because my brain is not young enough anymore to be all scattered about, or to produce ideas out of thin air!
I call it ghat
friend: Whaddup, yo?
12:47 PM friend: I said, WHADDUP, YO?
12:49 PM me: what is UP
I am reading my journal from 2004
12:51 PM
friend: how come you're reading your journal anyway - aren't you at work?
me: what? hm? I'm not sure I understand the question...
friend: I meant, why are you reading your journal right now. shouldn't you be...working?
12:53 PM me: wow, still not getting the meaning behind that question. I guess I should quit chatting and get back to work! :D
12:54 PM friend: hey, chatting is different. because it benefits more than just yourself. me!
me: well, i'm hoping that reading my old journal will benefit others because it will make me as funny and clever as I was back then, rather than boring as I am now when I write.
12:55 PM I had a lot of mojo back then, for some reason.
friend: hmmm...mojo. yes. I had more mojo back then too. maybe it's...age
12:56 PM me: that sucks.
it was only 4 years ago!
12:57 PM friend: yeah, I'm sure its not age. But I think you still have your mojo.
me: thanks, I was not fishing for that!
i think it's partly marriage
friend: And I write differently now too. some of the stuff from back then is funny, but a lot of it isn't. it's just changing times. Like have you seen Monty Python lately? not funny anymore
12:58 PM marriage eh? do you think you're becoming a Hannabot
12:59 PM me: No, i think it's that the drive i felt and expressed was diverted into my marriage, so i don't have as much left over, nor as much need to connect with people, since i have that connection, now. does that make sense?
1:00 PM friend: yes, if you think that the energy you put into your writing was because of desire to connect with people
1:02 PM me: but isn't that what that kind of writing is? I mean, if I didn't want anyone to read it, I'd write in a private or paper journal. My writing was for the consumption of others. Even if they didn't/don't comment, I know someone is reading it. Isn't that the desire you have when you want to play and sing in front of people?
1:03 PM friend yeah. so are you writing less, or not writing as good. 'cause it seems like if you didn't have the desire to connect, and writing was your way or a way of connecting, then you'd write less instead of...worse.
1:04 PM me: I write less.
When I write, it's ok. But I think with the kind of writing I like to do, it gets better/easier the more I practice. So the writing less = writing worse, in my opinion.
1:05 PM That's why I have this goal to blog SOMETHING every day. Just to get going. But it's harder to do than I expect. I just don't make time for it, mentally.
1:06 PM friend: I don't think I'd force myself to write if I didn't want to. Seems like all you'd get was drivel anyway. creativity and art has to be inspired
by a need to create
1:08 PM me: yes. you're right. but isn't it also a craft, something that has to be practiced? In reading these back entries, I see something else that was going on that's not now. I don't feed my mind very much. I watch too much tv and spend the rest of my time playing video games or typing snarky bits on twitter. I don't have anything going in that requires a lot of thought and synthesis, which is where my best writing came from.
1:09 PM friend: well you only have so much energy. There's lots of things I want to do too.
1:10 PM me: THAT is what has to do with age, and that's what sucks! You're right, I don't have the energy to do everything I want to do. I need to focus!
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